I thought it might be handy to gather some of the most popular ones together all on one page for easy reference, so I can help the searchers find the information that they're looking for. I will also add some of the batshit crazy ones so we can all have a good old laugh at someone's expense:
Search term 1:
'Katy Ashworth Naked'
Katy Ashworth is the very annoying lady who presents I Can Cook and jumps around like a drama student who's had too much candyfloss during the CBeebies continuity links. I have slagged off Katy here and here. After a good poke around the internet I can categorically state that you are not going to find any naked pictures of her online. Seriously, horny dads, I've done the leg work for you and there aren't any. Abandon your search. However, while we're on the subject of Katy, I'd like to mention that my opinion of her changed for the better recently when she posted this lovely photograph of her and her new baby online:
Looking gorgeous, exhausted and a bit broken, just like any other new parent. It's so nice to see someone portraying early motherhood as it really is and not piling the make-up on and photoshopping everything. Now Katy, if you could just see your way to looking a bit suicidal when you present CBeebies after a run of 14 or so sleepless night and to have a constant cold for the next year a la the rest of us mums, we could come to a happy understanding, I think.
Search term 2:
'Is Mister Maker Gay?'
As far as I know, he is not. However, he could be. The definitive answer to this question should be "nobody knows, but he certainly won't be when he finally meets me." Yes, I know I need help. *insert obligatory joke about rummaging in his doodle drawers here, because that never gets old*.
Here he is, shortly before being taken roughly over his arts and crafts table.
Search term 3:
'What is Mister Maker's Gloopy Glue?'
'What is Mister Maker's Gloopy Glue?'
Mister Maker gets me a lot of traffic. My hands are itching to type out an innuendo here, but I will behave and tell you that the type of glue to which he is referring is PVA glue. Mystery solved. Here I am giving a Mister Maker Christmas special a test drive.
Search term 4:
Yes, I reviewed Reading Eggs some time ago. Yes, it's good.
Search term 5:
'Is Tree Fu Tom suitable for Christians?'
This one comes up in my stats a lot. Possibly because I referred to him as a satanic little bum nugget somewhere along the line. I stand by the bum nugget comment, but the satanic bit was just speculation.
So, I searched for this on Google, and it appears that there is much debate over this at the moment (whether he's suitable for Christians that is, not whether he's a bum nugget. He is clearly a bum nugget). It's the fact that he gets children to join in with casting his spells that has people all of a dither. My opinion is that he's fine for Christian children to watch as he's a fictional character doing fictional things and children can differentiate between fact and fiction from very early on. However, if you're the sort of parent who bans Harry Potter, The Worst Witch and any kind of magical imagination, Tree Fu Tom can also be added to the list of banned characters in your household.
Now some less popular but still brilliant searches:
1. 'rat gnawing toilet seat disgusting' Yes. Yes it is. And how in God's name did you end up at my blog via that? I know I'm pretty slack with the housekeeping, but no rats have ever gnawed my toilet seat. Probably.
2. 'I want to screw my mother' You're going to want some therapy for that, love. Off you pop, now.
3. 'house looks shit can't be arsed' Yeah, that sounds accurate enough. Welcome to the fold.
4. 'help there are flying ants everywhere' Again, you have found your spiritual home. Come on in.
5. This gem from someone who had obviously forgotten what my blog was called and was desperately trying to find it based on everything they remembered about it:
'disgrace kitchen love mr maker ants swears crazy child rory'
It's like you're watching my life on CCTV, mystery blog searcher. (You're not are you?)
Now your turn: Tell me the best search terms that have landed on your blog.